What can a hostage negotiator teach me about negotiating rules with my teen?

1-6-20
 
When looking up articles on kids and chores, I found a podcast called Talking to Teens.  I was reading through the titles and explanations of the episodes and ran into this:

Ep 22: Negotiating Rules and Limits
Chris Voss, the former lead international hostage negotiator for the FBI and author of the bestselling book Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on it, speaks with us about how to win negotiations with your teenager over things like curfew, cell phone usage, and other rules.

This just made my day.  I laughed and laughed, then I shared it with my husband and we both laughed.  I listened to the podcast and then bought the book written by Chris Voss.

Maybe somehow it makes me feel better that it might take that kind of expertise to navigate the minefield of the teenage years with your kids.  This isn’t even my first, second, third or fourth shot at it.  We have four adult kids.  Shouldn’t I have it down by now?

My husband and I recently spent a couple of days in San Francisco for our 35th wedding anniversary.  (Yea us!).  We were sipping hot chocolate and partaking of treats in a bakery called Craftsman and Wolves.  The tables were long, thin, and shared.  There was a family sitting at the same table with us.  It was a mom, dad and two kids, maybe middle school age?
 
They were having this conversation.  Boy- Dad, why can’t I have a cell phone?  Dad- launches into an explanation of how kid’s brains aren’t fully developed yet and the damage cell phone use can cause in appropriate brain development.  Boy- well Tommy (not the real name) has a cell phone and uses it all the time and he’s not an idiot.

Somehow it tickled my husband and I to hear that we aren’t the only mean parents out there who have serious concerns about cell phone usage.  We’ve HAD this conversation!