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I think I need to count my blessings today.
Last week I wrote a post about some things I had noticed about Lehi and Nephi in the Book of Mormon. I finished writing it, but just didn’t feel entirely good about it, so I didn’t post it. I had mentioned specific references where I had noticed that they each mention great heartaches and hardships in their lives. I think I was trying to point out that even prophets verbally acknowledge the hardships and trials they have. It’s not unhealthy to do so. We think we need to avoid labeling negative emotions because it may strengthen them. But actually, when we don't recognize them, they grow stronger. Chris Voss, former lead international hostage negotiator for the FBI, notes in his book Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if your life depended upon it. “Labeling negatives diffuses them; labeling positives reinforces them.” He also says, “…labeling an emotion--applying rational words to fear--disrupts it’s raw intensity”. Labeling emotions is actually a very powerful and effective tool that is used in extremely tense hostage negotiation situations to help diffuse them. It is also something that is helpful for each of us in daily life. So how does that apply to challenges or negative experiences in our lives? Isn’t it the emotions those experiences cause in us, that give us the greatest difficulty? It’s how we feel about the situation, not the situation itself that’s most problematic. Back to Lehi and Nephi. I pondered for several days over why something in the article I’d written hadn’t felt right to me. I realized that although they do mention their trials and their difficulties, nowhere do I see them making long lists of them, or developing that theme into something huge. They just recognize their existence. Instead, they both list their blessing during trials at length. They recognize their negative experiences, recognize the Lord’s hand in helping them through those experiences, and frequently list the Lord’s blessings in their lives. If labeling negative emotions can diffuse them, and labeling positive emotions can strengthen them, then how powerful is labeling your blessings from the Lord? I don’t know about you, but I am filled with gratitude when I recognize the Lord’s blessings in my life. It is a very positive feeling. One small example of this pops into my mind. Another Germany story, but hopefully a quick one. I struggled with severe vertigo for a time after we first got to Germany. I had never driven on the infamous “autobahn” and was extremely nervous about it. Although we lived in an outlying town, Stuttgart is a big city and has the 5th worst traffic in Europe. I had finally had a few days without vertigo so I was able to make a doctor’s appointment and was praying all would go well with getting to it. I had theorized that maybe protein consumption had something to do with the dizziness and had a few good days with watching protein intake. I loaded up on protein before trying to drive. I had to drive from South of Stuttgart, to North of the city to get to the appointment. I got out on the autobahn, surrounded by traffic, terribly nervous for my first time driving there, and about midway there, passed an area where dappled sunlight was coming through the trees. My whole world started spinning. Unlike American freeways, there are not shoulders all the way along the autobahn there. There are places to pull off at times, but more often no space to pull off. I was surrounded by cars; the world was spinning, and I couldn’t tell where I was in relationship to anything. I started yelling out loud, “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO” like maybe my voice could reorient my vision and balance, make the world stand still, but it did not. I started praying out loud, and somehow gradually made my way over to the side and pulled off. Still dizzy, but aware that by law I had to put out a warning triangle to warn other drivers of a pulled off car, I got out and got the triangle from my trunk. I kept my hand on the car to keep my balance. I tried to walk past the car to plant the triangle but ended up having to crawl part of the 100 meters and back, because I was just too dizzy to be able to stay upright. It wasn’t long before a German police car pulled off behind me. Two young officers got out. I was trying to indicate that I had called my husband and he was on his way to pick me up (no easy task to have completed when I was in fight or flight mode and didn’t understand well how to complete phone calls in Germany yet). They were shaking their heads and saying I couldn’t stay there, and they were going to call an ambulance. Or at least that’s what I was told afterwards. I didn’t understand most of the German they were speaking, but it was obvious they were not OK with me waiting there. A car pulled off the autobahn behind us. A woman and her husband got out. She said that they had passed me on the autobahn after I had pulled off. I had never met them before, but she and her husband lived in Holzgerlingen just down the street from us. She walked by our house to walk her kids to school. She had been in a running club with the wife of the officer that James had replaced (the ones whose house we had moved into after they left). She had noticed us move in, noticed the old gold Toyota Sienna parked in front of the house, and seen me taking walks around town. When they passed my van pulled off the side of the road, she recognized it, and recognized me out trying to put out the warning triangle. She told her husband I needed help and asked him to pull off at the next off ramp and come back. They had to pass me going south, take another exit, and then get back on the autobahn going north again to get back to me. She was German and had married an American military officer. She spoke fluent German. She spoke to the very animated young police officers and calmed them down. She managed to convince them that I didn’t need an ambulance and told them that they would take care of me. She said her husband could drive my car and she would follow, and we would get the car off the side of the autobahn more quickly. Her husband drove me to Kelly Barracks where my medical appointment was, and she followed. They had appropriate military ID so they were able to drive me on base. They got me parked and I told them my husband would be there shortly since he’d been dispatched to pick me up (from Kelly Barracks oddly enough). I sat at a picnic table and waited. I was very rattled by this whole experience! I felt like we’d been hit with one challenge after another since arriving in Germany and was feeling entirely overwhelmed. Late that night, I was able to talk to my best friend back in the States. I needed to unload just a bit. While I was telling her the specifics of what had happened that day, it hit me so clearly! As my husband had driven me home, I had realized that there were very few places with space to pull off along that stretch of autobahn. Somehow, that whole experience had happened such that I ended up getting over without hitting anyone (absolute miracle) and then was in a place with space to pull off the road entirely. Not just for me, but space also for a police car and a helpful neighbor. Someone I had never met, had passed by just then, had recognized me, and was kind enough to interrupt her plans and come back to help me. I never would have known if they just passed by. It just so happened that she was German so spoke fluent German, and spoke excellent English as well. So both the police officers and I could understand her easily. I was flooded with the understanding that my Heavenly Father had absolutely watched out for me that day! It took recounting it out loud, for me to see it. Feelings of being a victim to difficult circumstances were replaced with an overwhelming sense that I was loved and had been watched over. I was so grateful! Why do I need to count my blessings today? Inability to help a mentally ill sibling in any way that would actually help them, has me feeling blue. Sprinkled in the mix is a significant dose of panic about the disorienting craziness of interacting with this individual whose reality is vastly different than mine, and a possible upcoming need. Also, a whole lot of guilt about all of it, with seemingly no good answers. A few of my blessings:
27. Peace replacing turmoil.
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AuthorI've been focused on raising my family for the last 35 years. We homeschooled for much of it, first due to frequent Navy moves, and then because of learning disabilities and health issues. (OK, maybe we did it because it interested me, and I didn't think anyone else would be likely to care as much as I did.) Anyway, it's been an adventure and a challenge, and now it's on to new adventures for me as that chapter closes. Archives
July 2023
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